sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
