I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
