i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
