I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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