I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize