im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize