He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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