TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
try to milk me bitch
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