i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
