Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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