She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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