i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
