this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize