I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
