If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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