The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
