Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
