I think i sorta joined a cult last night
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
