i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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