i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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