Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
