I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
