At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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