We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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