She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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