If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
