The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
