actually, I'm a sock model
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
