It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
