...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
