I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
