I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
