Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
