wakey wakey hands off snakey
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
