I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
