Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
