I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
