dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
