lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
