tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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