I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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