Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
