i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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