So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
