there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
