i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
