Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
