She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
