No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
