I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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