is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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