my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
