I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
