just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
