i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize