Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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