I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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