Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
