hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
