i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
