i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
