his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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