The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's never too late to be topless.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
