my mouth tastes like poor choices
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
