you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
