I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
