who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
