This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
