yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
