Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
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