i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
