I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
