So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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