can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
