were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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