I have demons in me.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
