I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
