I think I died a long time ago.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
